Strain Reviews: Kosher Kush

The Clinic’s Kosher Kush (DNA Genetics/Reserva Privada Colorado Seeds)

 

What we enjoyed: a powerhouse indica, perfect for responsibility-free weekend nights; happy times generator; the cannabis itself didn’t break the record player (we’re pretty sure)

 

Rating: 5/5


 

 

The Clinic Kosher Kush

 

“I think there’s something wrong here.”

 

It’s impossible that Ella is referring to the Kosher Kush from The Clinic Colorado. There is nothing wrong with the Kosher Kush. It’s a tightly grown bud coated in sparkling snowy white trichomes and fiery golden-orange hairs that smells of spice and diesel; it breaks down beautifully into tiny balls of nuggety goodness in the hand. Reported to be the only cannabis strain blessed by a Rabbi, the Kosher Kush is damn near holy.

 

“Where?”

 

Dan, upright on the couch after a demanding day of work, tastes the incredibly pungent skunk-sprayed earth and traces of pine needles inherent to the strain. He knows the multiple award-winning Kosher Kush (numerous Cannabis Cups in 2010, 2011, and 2012, among others) is close to perfect but can sense something else in the room is amiss.

 

“Here…I mean over there…the record player.”

 

Ella has the better ear — she would be the first to detect an anomaly — and Kosher Kush, though a strong indica, hasn’t left her completely out of touch with her surroundings.

 

“It’s not supposed to sound like that, right?”

 

Wrapped in appreciation and the dense aromatics that will linger in the room long after the flower has stopped burning, Dan had been pondering his cannabis, trying to detect the notes of OG Kush lineage within this particular California native, and wondering where the other genetics came from. He’d seen Kosher Kush listed as a cross between OG Kush and Kosher, but he was skeptical as to the existence of the latter. In any case, he has learned to trust the things Ella hears.

 

“I think it’s playing too slow.”

 

It might be, and they’ve listened to Challengers by The New Pornographers enough to pick up on the difference right away, but clarity eludes even Ella’s highly trained, nearly professional ear.

 

“I’ll start it over.”

 

The small glass bowl is finished now, and the last hit tasted as good as the first, so Dan rises to action. Or attempts to. With some effort, he peels himself from the sofa. Crouches before the record player. Resets the needle. Ella does her best to pay attention.

 

“It is, yeah? It’s playing too slow.”

 

Confused but not worried, the smiles found in the Kosher Kush now emerging on Ella’s face, she’s a little less sure there is something awry. A little less sure she cares.

 

“I think you’re right. It’s too slow. Was the other side playing too slow?”

 

They’ve been in a fantastic mood since smoking the Kosher Kush, it produces such a happy high; maybe they’d missed something.

 

“I didn’t notice it then.”

 

Certainly they would have, right? If one of their favorite records wasn’t playing at the right speed for an entire side?

 

“So the record started playing too slow when we started smoking the Kosher Kush?”

 

They are giggling now, giggling like in a college dorm room long ago, and getting a little hungry.

 

“Or we realized the record player was playing too slow once we started smoking the Kosher Kush.”

 

This is entirely possible, that the Kosher Kush has decelerated the two, relaxed their minds and bodies with an absoluteness necessary for Friday nights after an almost interminable workweek. It really doesn’t matter anymore; they’ve been belly laughing for a full minute. The more time they spend with Kosher Kush, the less it seems like anything could be other than exactly how it should be.

 

“Are we totally sure this isn’t how ‘Failsafe’ is supposed to sound?”

 

The Peligrosa-Malloys have been all over the place this past week. There hasn’t been much time for unwinding, and the small windows they’ve found haven’t always been conducive to calming down. They have busy brains, Dan and Ella, that can’t automatically be turned off. Sometimes it’s hard to settle and breathe.

 

But with the Kosher Kush, they relax into the evening and feel the tension ease in their heads and stomachs. It’s an impeccable indica, slowing you down and slowing down the world for you. They’ll return often to the Kosher Kush, because Dan and Ella are always thinking, always looking for things to think about, and Kosher Kush made them blissed out and full of laughter and okay with letting the record player do its thing, even if it did make Neko Case sound a little strung out.

 

Because it was most definitely broken. They confirmed it was broken in the morning.

 

newpornos record

 


 

For more information:

 

The Clinic

thecliniccolorado.com

 

DNA Genetics/Reserva Privada Colorado

reservaprivadacolorado.com

dnagenetics.com/kosher-kush

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