Functioning Member: Rules for Shopping

We have a lot going on these days. We’ve got jobs, job interviews, business dinners where we will finally get a workable schedule that we will stick to for our start-ups, weddings, date nights, parent-teacher conferences, and cat puke to clean up. For all this, we feel like it is time for a new shirt. Which means it’s time to go shopping, and shopping is hard. But cannabis can help. And so can Weekend Review Kit.

 

JCrew

 

WRK thinks that, if it is possible, you should take a walk, or take the train or take a bus to a local clothing store. That way you can feel free to consume your cannabis and not have to worry about driving a car. Besides, it’s fall now, exercise is important, buses and trains are fun, and being high outside is amazing. The clear fall air will help put you in the proper mood to find the shirt just right for you.

 

We like to avoid the mall. It’s very distracting and to us smells either too much like cinnamon or too much like patchouli incense, depending on where you are standing. Sometimes, though, the mall is unavoidable. In these cases try to stay closer to the smell of cinnamon. Patchouli smell never really goes away.

 

Fortunately, WRK has many options accessible on foot or by public transit. Today we’re heading downtown, to a national retail store, because downtown is nice and they are having a sale.

 

  1. Say hello

 

Let’s be honest: this isn’t the first time we’ve been outside together and high, so it’s no problem for us to look the salesperson directly in the eye when we walk in the door. We have nothing to be ashamed of and are quite capable of articulating any number of thoughts. Today we have come for something specific, so we ask the clerk for all the purple dress shirts he can find, and answer yes, we would prefer that he put the shirts in a fitting room for us to try on.

 

wall of shirts

 

  1. Try things on

 

Making sure things fit is key. For this reason, we advise you to take a few different sizes and styles in the dressing room. WRK also suggests bringing in a few items that you have no intention of trying on. Feel free to take your time. If you live in a state where it is as illegal to consume cannabis in your house as it is in a clothing store, maybe have a little pull of the vape pen, so long as you can hold it in for a few seconds.

 

If you do have a little pull of the vape pen Weekend Review Kit implores you to remember two things:

 

  • First, While it may seem silly to us that we cannot consume cannabis quietly and discreetly in public, in the way that people are able to enjoy a cigarette, an energy drink, a cup of coffee, a cocktail, or a glass of wine, it is still illegal. Your choice is your own and comes with many obvious risks.

 

  • Weekend Review Kit believes that, if you choose to have a pull of the vape pen, an extra pair of socks will be impossible to resist. So if you are vaporizing in the dressing room, WRK suggests that you allow a few extra minutes to take as much time as needed to look at all the socks.

 

  1. Buy a pair of socks

 

Socks are the best. Find the softest pair. Pick the second pair based on how it relates to the first. Don’t limit your associations. If the first pair of socks you picked out has yellow, blue, and green polka dots on a grey backdrop then find a second pair that has orange, purple, and white stripes over a black background. Or get two pairs of polka dot socks. Or get one pair of socks that has robots or mustaches or the moon in various stages of waxing and waning and one pair of socks that has tiny penguins printed in orderly rows. Don’t feel bad that you’re getting this excited about socks, because taking care of your feet is essential and sometimes when you’re having a lousy day at work a nice soft pair of socks can make a big difference. They won’t help as much as legal cannabis, of course, but they’ll help some.

 

JCrew socks

 

  1. Make pleasant conversation with the person taking your money

 

Now you’ve got your shirt, your socks, and your supplemental hit from your vape pen it’s time to check out. There are certain things they will most likely ask you: Did you find everything? Were you helped by anyone? May we have your email address?

 

If you don’t want to receive ten emails a day regarding about-to-be-over sales but don’t want to seem rude, tell them, with a smile, “Oh you’ve got my email. I probably got an email from you right now. And I’m not kidding; I really appreciate all of them. It makes me feel noticed to hear from you all so often.” They will most likely smile and say something along the lines of, “You know, you probably did just get an email from us.” Everyone is happy. You didn’t have to be rude, and look at how good you are at thinking on your feet.

 

  1. Feel excellent about supporting the economy

 

Now that you got exactly what you came for, plus an extra pair of fantastic socks, you can head back out into the cool fall air feeling good about the role you play in supporting your local economy. Even if you went to a chain store in the mall you did your part today for your community. You deserve an extra reward.

 

Try to find a bathroom or someplace secluded where no one can see what you are about to do. When the coast is clear, and you’re sure you’re safe, Weekend Review Kit thinks it’s totally cool for you to slip on a new pair of socks.

 

You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.

 

 

Posted in Features, Functioning Member and tagged , , , , , .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *